Mass confusion
by Lemanruss669
Summary: I'm on eden prime, Sovregins turned up, and I have no clue how I got here, or what to do. its another SI
1. Chapter 1

Mass confusion.

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><em><strong>G'day blokes, Leman Russ here with a new story, An SI, unfortunately for usual customers, that means the the next chapter of mass effect Johnson, OC backstories is on hiatus, (I have serious fantasy block when it comes to that(for fantasy block see: Noel Fielding's luxury comedy 2)), not to mention my Fable-Halo crossover is currently awaiting the defib, and my warhammer story is deceased, demised, pining for the fjords, only reason it was still on my laptop was because I nailed it there. But any way I'm rambling...it is after midnight at the time of writing so sod off, and read me feckin story rated T...unless I get bored and decide to shag shepard...hey alliteration. (*cough* though if I did get that bored I believe Tali would have first ride *cough*)<strong>_

"oooooooooooh crap" was all I thought as I watched sovereign slowly land on eden prime, the red sjy making the arrival a hell of a lot more ominous than watching it happen on a TV screen, the pure awe and sheer terror of seeing an actual reaper was tremendous. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, so introductions. Hi, my names Morpheus ******, and I'm and alcoholic...not. Sorry couldn't resist. But yeah, that is my name, though you can call me Morph, I'm a bike mechanic/video game designer/avid paintballer, and I have no clue how the merry hell I got here, but if Shepard does exist in this mass effect universe, she's gonna need all the help she can get, even if it is a sarcastic scouse sniper, did I mention I have brilliant aim, I just hate being shot at. But anyway back to eden prime. At the moment im sorta hiding close to the dig sit, my plan being, and please note I took 2 seconds to think up this plan, a plan that would put erwin rommel to shame... hide until geth move on...steal fallen weapons, flank Geth, pull of awesome save, impress Shepard, quote Deadpool, and make it up from there. Yeah, I know awesome plan right...wait, whats that sound? "make one move, and I will not hesitate to kill you" a very gruff sounding voice said from behind me. "who the hell are you?" I ask, before realising that just asking one question may be enough to have a couple of extra holes implanted forcefully, but surprisingly, the guy answers "nihlus"

"…..." welp, my plan just died, and I don't think Nihlus is gonna need a assistant, well, he defiantly won't in abut 10 minutes, but still, he don't know that. "Nihlus, I ain't here to cause trouble, I'm here to look for a place too hide." sooner this git gets moving to his brain removal, the sooner I can implement operation I.S.A.N.D. (impress shepard and not die) and get off this Geth infested rock. "then stay here, an alliance rescue operation will arrive soon, you will be picked up soon" Nihlus informed me before heading off. Which was a lot faster than I expected, but glad, hey have the geth gone...yes, and is that...no it can't be...a mattock IV, major payday, all I need is a Carnifex, (the gun, not the massive beast from hell, that likes to eat tanks) and a black widow (also the gun, not a pshyco woman or a spider) and I'll have my perfect set-up. But where was I? Oh yeah, Flanking the Geth. Oh, omni-tool, don't mind if I do, wait...i have one...when did that happen? Guess that explains why I understood Nihlus. You hear gunfire, to head towards proceed to next sentence, to run away, piss off outta here. Welp, thats allotta Geth, time too ta...is that biotics, looks like kaiden or shepards here...hello cutie...no, bad Morph, shoot Geth first gawk over shepard later. And so the firefight began, and I suddenly realise, I Don't know how to deal with recoil, which soon resulted with 1 dead geth trooper and my ass being bruised. Yeah my stage three and four of my plan has failed, mayby I can salvage it with a deadpool quote? Mayby? "so, who wants chimicangas?" I ask the assembled group, Kaiden, looking as generic as he always did, ash looking slightly raggled and pulling off the 'dragged through a hedge backwards, but still don't care' look, and shepard... (internal thoughts, that are not supposed to be thought, usually read in a irish accent, will be in italics) _nosebleed at maximum, boner engaged, boob staring engaged at maximum drool. _Piss off brain, I am not gonna stare at her jugs, but still, long red hair, green eyes, pulling off a supermodel figure, and I mean the size 6 models, not the stick insects... I mean seriously who finds a woman that fine attractive, any time I see that I just think, see that, that is a sandwich, EAT IT, EAT IT ALL. Fuck I'm rambleing again, and shepard saying something. "so I take it your a colonist here?" welp, no point lying, after all ash is here so, she'd probably catch me out immediately. "nope, im a interdimensianal traveller, from Liverpool England, circa 2017, with no clue how the hell I got here, with a omni-tool pre set up, and a extremely good aim. And before you laugh or question me, unless a shitton of cannon has changed, I will know a lot of events that happen, as your universe is just a video game where i'm from. What prove? Jenkins died when you faced the first geth you encounted when you landed, your ship is the Normandy SR1 a stealth ship powered by a tantalus drive, oh, and how's dr Chakwas?" aw Shepard looks so cute when confused... "i'm gonna call bullshit on that" both kaiden and Ashley said at the same time...spooky. "fine,want more proof? Kaiden hows your L2's, had any migranes lately? And Ashley isn't your dad's favourite poem Tennyson's ulysses" the look of disbelive and borderline rage on all there faces is really funny, oh this is gonna be fun...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N...A.K.A. My insane ramblings. Welp, after my brain pestering me to write chapter 2, the bastards here. I was talking with a friend about my plan for this fanfic series, cos I ain't stopping with mass effect, and he said that it sounded like a crossover between quantum leap, doctor who and south park. Take what you want from that, but you'll find out nearer to the attack on the citadel, so you got that to look forward too. But anyways my ramblings over...for now... (Luna; sorry about my creator, he ate too much bacon, I think it did something to him, so anything bizarre...just blame the bacon) **

"so...are you going to stop gawping to me, or do I have to fight of the metric shitton of geth that are likely running towards us?" I say to the assembled group infront of me, cos there attempts to respond are, whilst funny, annoying and likely to get us shot at by geth. "oh...yeah...lets get going" shepard finally responds, and so where off, time to slay the geth and screw with Saren, though shep don't know 'bout him yet.

"so... mr I know everything that happens, dimensional traveller guy, what are we supposed too do now...huh?" Ashley asks with so much sarcasm you could probably refill the Mersey with it. God, I never thought she'd be so...bitchy in person. "I ain't gonna tell, cos shep knows, and quite frankly, any knowledge I have that could save lives, I'll tell at a relevant time, so don't bother asking again" I reply, perhaps a little more snarkily than I would have liked, but what can you do.

You know, I really should check out my omni-tool, see what the hells on it, but after this load of... "GETH" I shout. So, of course the mandatory violence begins, though I do significantly better with the rifle, 1 geth, 2 geth, 3 ge- "OW FUCK" yep I stayed out of cover too long, and found out the hard way that I dont have a kinetic barrier, I'm just glad that its only my arm that got winged. "medi-gel here" shepard said coming over too me. And so more flashlights get burned out after that incident. Kinda quiet now. Should be five or so minutes till we run into the Dragons teeth and those fucking husks, I mean there easy too kill, but there annoying. Right omni-tool open, and its half full with music and...clothes? Is this an omni-tool or a pipboy? Hmmm, what music have I got? Megadeth, brutal truth, miracle of sound, massive folder of nightcore, heh, British grenadiers, gldemo (Girls Dead Monster)? Awesome, ooh and some classic maiden. I'll save looking at the rest for later, cos we got a relic to find.

"I take it from the look on your face you've had some good news?" Kaiden asks me. "just found out I have a crapload of my favourite music on here, so yeah good news, for me anyway" I reply. I may put some on too liten the mood after...them. Where here, time for the husks. God I always hated this bit, but all I can do is ready my rifle. I am slightly worried about myself though, not physically, but mentally, I mean, I've found myself in a alternate universe, that's a video game where I'm from, and I've not really shown that I care all that much. Will I see my sister again? Will I eat my mums lasagne again? Will I ever unlock that fucking tiger 2 on war thunder? Or an I stuck in this universe, where giant robotic cuttlefish want to blow every living thing out of existence. Or has the caffeine ran out and now I care? I have no clue. God I need a cup of tea, maybe a bacon sarnie, and mull this over.

"erm, hello, you kind of zoned out on us when this spikes retracted? And tell us your name, you didn't say." shepard said whilst waving a hand infront of my face. "oh, sorry, my name Morpheus, but you can call me morph, and about me zoning out, it just hit me, the fact that I ain't in my universe any more." I reply. We really need to get moving, I mean, I like the look of Eden prim, but I don't feel like getting blown up by geth bombs, though shepard doesn't need to know about them at the moment. "erm, shepard, that looks like nihilus, lying there in a pool of blood and brain matter" well, this can only go well for shepard, when we hit the citadel.

**A/N (again) this is as far as I feel like going with this chapter, so you can all make like a tree, and L...L...fuck off.**


End file.
